I’m going to fizzle out.

Texted: I understand.
Meant: I finally understand what you want from me.

Texted: thank you.
Meant: you were always honest, thanks for that. But I’m starting to want more, I think? Or maybe I just want a do-over. Either way, it’s not possible, but thanks for what you’ve given me.

Texted: I’m going for a walk.
Meant: I hurt.

Texted: I need air.
Meant: I’m suffocating.

Texted: the house is too cold.
Meant: I don’t want to be here anymore.

You really are nice. But I’m broken, so it doesn’t work. I can’t do anything unless I fix myself and even though I tried really hard it’s all I know so I don’t even really know what fixed is! And so, I’m sorry. I’m always saying that, but at least I always mean it.

It’s gotten a little too dangerous. It has to stop now. Too bad, I really enjoyed it. Maybe next time I’ll find a way to make it last longer?

I fed the monster tonight,
Only water,
That’s all the monster is going to get for a while.
The taste of flesh still lingers on the monster’s tongue, it hungers for more but I won’t let it.
I thought I had it under control, but the monster was so hungry.
After not having a decent meal, I could understand being needy.
That was no excuse for letting the monster go free.
But I did.

So, tumblr, my love, how have you been? I think I fucked up (again), when do I not? So I’ve made my bed, now I have to lie in it and I’m not too happy about it. Idk what to do other than to blame myself, though personally I feel the other party is to blame, too. What’s worse is that it was two separate instances in one weekend. Why did I decide I needed to get out into the world again, anyway? Oh, well. Best of luck to me. Love you.

How can I be so stupid? This is all going to be over in a couple of months anyways. ~le sigh~